Sex, Drugs, and DJ Lance Rock

My favorite TV show is Yo Gabba Gabba. It's not because Yo Gabba Gabba is a colorful and entertaining way for your toddler to learn about life. It's because Yo Gabba Gabba is a show about a skinny man in an orange jumpsuit inviting your kid to play with the magical toys he has in his special box. It's fucking sick. And my son loves it, too.

First of all, this show is just perverted. One of the characters looks like a giant red studded dildo. He's even got one eye. His name is Muno, because Willy might have been too obvious. Or maybe not. The main character's name is DJ Lance Rock. Why not DJ Dick Hard? Too much?

DJ Lance is always dancing behind a puppet stage, with a dancing monster (usually Muno) right in front of him where his cock should be. Another character is Foofa, who is pink and shaped like a vagina. I am not making this up.

Whenever other creatures are introduced besides the main monsters, they aren't your usual kid's show menagerie of kittens and puppies. Oh, no. It always seems to be snakes or worms, looking like penises or sperm, depending on the puppet. One episode had Muno the giant dildo babysitting his friends, two little purple sperm worms. Another bit had him pretending to be a snake (yes, a one-eyed snake).

Besides all the sexual perversion, what I love most about Yo Gabba Gabba is that it's like a crazy fun drug trip. Not the fucked up kind of drug trip where you end up trapped all night long at a stranger's house talking to two guys named Matt about their band and wishing you had only done one hit of acid after all. No, Yo Gabba Gabba is just one colorful alteration of consciousness after another. Smoking pot before watching it doesn't hurt, either.

Just when you start getting used to seeing the bizarre colorful puppets, they cut to a close up shot of DJ Lance Rock, smiling into the camera. Everything about this guy is orange. His jumpsuit, his fluffy hat, his fucking skin. All of it orange. Just as you start to decide that he's more "Alien From Another Planet" than "Creepy Human," they cut to (a close up!) of Biz Markie mugging and beat boxin'. THEN, just to fuck with you, Elijah Wood or Tony Hawk shows up to dance with the monsters in front of DJ Lance Rock's cock.

And the MUSIC! Talk about altering consciousness! The characters will repeat simple phrases over and over again to a monotonous tune, chanting until our eyes glaze over and we intone with them, "Don't stop! Don't give up! Don't stop! Don't give up!" while Tootie sings to accompany us, "Keep trying! Keep trying!...." After two minutes of listening to it again and again, I am so high, my mouth open, drooling, all my thoughts completely stopped. It's awesome.

The best part is the end, where they "break it down" and recap what they did, while dancing and repeating the songs to a funky dance beat. Quick shots of monsters, real kids dancing, bright graphics, and DJ Lance Rock high kicking. It's like rolling on X at the club with the black lights, except my kid has the pacifier, not me.

Yes, sex, drugs, and DJ Lance Rock. Maybe I should take Liam to the park more...

Oh, and for those who don't know what I'm talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggrOcBWqHiU Puff, puff, pass and enjoy!