I Don't Like Christmas.

You heard me.

Sure, when I was a little girl, the anticipation was great, and the new toys were always fun for a few hours, but I never really got into it. My mom and sister were always into it big time. My mom decorated the whole house and we always had a real tree and homemade Christmas cookies. No shit. My sister LOVED the piles of presents and appointed herself the Grand High Duchess of Gift Appropriation every year. She'd sit at the foot of the pile and get all excited touching all the boxes and the shiny paper and bows, reading the names on the tags and graciously handing out packages like a celebrity doing charity work for needy children.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate Christmas or anything. I just don't enjoy all the stuff involved. I don't like the music, the shitty TV programming, the same movies every year, the sweaters with pictures of cats in Santa hats on them. Stuff like that. Our culture is so saturated with these images and memes at this time of year. Santa. Jesus. Red and green. Lights. Pine trees. Reindeer. Jingle bells. It's just everywhere and after awhile I'm just tired of it.

I think in economics it's called the Law of Diminishing Returns. In regular people speak, it just gets old fast. I think I first started hearing Christmas music in retail stores this year in September. I almost passed out with anger, realizing that if it starts in September, I will be burned out before Halloween. Fuck.

This year actually wasn't too bad. I got to spend time with my sister and her family (I don't see them enough). My sister has twin 3 year old little girls who are quite insane. I'm imagining a bloody coup in another few years in which the Twinzillas will gain power over the Great Handing Out of Presents. It was just chaos at Grandma's house tonight. There were torn gift boxes lying in 2 foot drifts against the chairs. The sounds of ripping paper were punctuated by screams and cries of, "Sissy won't SHARE!" I was drinking Captain Morgan and Diet Coke. Ho, ho, ho.

So I'm home now. Scott is passed out snoring in the next room (also courtesy of the Captain), and my son is in his crib sleeping off his Christmas high (he got new stuffed animals -- woo hoo).

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night's sleep.