Happy April Fools Day

In honor of April Fools Day, here is the story of my favorite prank I ever pulled. First, let's set the scene. It's the spring of 1994. I am 22 years old, a theatre student in college in Texas. I am dating a fellow acting student who is, shockingly, just as melodramatic as I am.

The details of the beginning of the story are lost somewhere in the murky depths of old memory, but the prank grew spontaneously at a party one night as all the crazy theatre rats got drunk together. My boyfriend, David, was pissing me off for some reason I can no longer remember. It was common for us to fight, so it could have been anything really. What made that night special was that I was in a very evil yet creative mood. Plus, David had also somehow managed to piss off his roommates as well. This was how it started...

I went to Bart and Mike to complain about David. As the guys who lived with him, I often consulted them on my David problems. When they told me they were annoyed with him, too this particular evening, a plan formed in my brain.

"I want to get him back," I said. "He pulls this shit on me all the time."

Bart gave me a look. Or he was really drunk. "What do you mean?"

"Do you guys want to help me scare the shit out of him?" I asked, keeping as straight and serious a face as possible.

Mike grinned his toothy lion grin and grunted his drunken approval.

I quickly explained my plan and dispatched my minions. Bart and Mike loudly announced that they were going camping so they could go fishing in the morning, so they better leave the party now and all. Twenty minutes later, I convinced David to take me back to his room and do naughty things to me, since his roommates were gone for the night.

We went back to his apartment, where Bart and Mike were already hiding in the bedroom closet, waiting and trying to be quiet. I got David into bed.

"Do you want me?" I asked in my sexiest voice.

"Yes," he replied, groping drunkenly in the dark. I heard one of the guys stifling a snicker in the closet. I moaned a little to cover up the noise. Dammit, not yet!

"Tell me what you want me to do to you!" I demanded, unbuttoning my shirt slowly. David was a drunk and horny college guy, so he was quite happily in the palm of my hand at that moment. He began explaining in vivid and colorful detail all that he had in mind for that evening. I thought Bart and Mike were going to blow it they were trying so hard not to laugh. David never heard them. He was focused on one thing, and one thing only.

I finally decided he'd had enough, and it was time to bring the hammer down.

"Well then," I said, "These pants have GOT to come OFF!"

That was the prearranged signal Mike and Bart had been waiting for. They burst out of the closet, screaming and waving their arms, "AAAAAAAGGHGHHHH!!!!!"

David freaked smooth out. He shot 2 feet straight up into the air (still not sure how that is possible, but I saw it with my own eyes!) and leaped out of bed, pushing past all three of us and running out the door, leaving me and Bart and Mike slumped on the floor, laughing hysterically.

He didn't speak to all three of us for quite some time after that. I can't say that I blame him. It was a cruel trick. But I can't take it back. And it was fucking hilarious.

Epilogue: David survived a two year relationship with me and I don't think he suffered any lasting scars. He is now happily married with a beautiful family, and I hope he thinks this story is as funny as I do.